Tuesday, April 1, 2014


Author's Note: Drafted on Annunciation day. Annunciation Day? Annunciation? You say Christmas Day but not Easter Day... maybe Easter Day. You can also say Christmas and Easter. The day the Annunciation was celebrated?? The day it was announced? Do they have a calendar which addresses grammar concerns? --Wait. Don't tell me. I don't want to know. ... ...  Well does it come with BOWS???!

So according to the magical mystical calender(aka my nemesis but one you fight with dramatically and always let live), today is one of the days that folks should eat fish. Should eat fish or CAN eat fish? I guess it depends on how much money you had growing up and where you live. Are there one? two days?? in Big Lent for fish?

So this past Saturday we set out to find fish suitable for Alex.

...harder than one might think...

Nothing at Sam's Club was suitable so we set our sights on The Lil' Butcher Shop.

As we went in, an old guy was rockin' on the porch and smiled at me, 'How nice,' I thought. I smiled and cut my eyes. He was a MANS. He was a PEOPLES. I stick to my man-peoples. Call me conservative, and I will offer you a sandwich. I flicked up again and nodded. He nodded.

SUCCESS: The system of non-verbal greetings and small talk was completed.

So when we walked in, Alex went to what was apparently the seafood display before, "Oh, they got rid of the seafood!"

"How do you know?" and he explained the above.

"Well, why don't you ask someone?"

"They got rid of the seafood."

*sigh* So... I wasn't going to ask someone so I just did my quick-pace to take in the vista.... --no tuna in sight.

As we exited Alex looked liked a dejected schoolchild. He sounded like one, too, "Awww... I guess I won't have any tuna." I was already trying to think of what EIGHTH place we might go to in order to locate 'acceptable' fish (and said as much) when...

--the guy in the rocker said, "You didn't find it? What were you lookin' for?"

"We were looking for tuna steaks," I uncharacteristically said after exchanging glances with Alex. (I'd just like to take a moment to pat myself on the back for speaking to someone, indeed someone who was strange and male as well.)

"There aren't any?"

"Well, I didn't see any..." I began to feel guilty. I was on a roll! TEN WORDS.

"Did you ask someone?"

"No...." Oh... super guilty. I felt like I was being got onto. Why do I ever speak?? Flash look of you-are-guilt to Alex.


"Erghhh!" He grunted getting up with great effort and more guilt from taking his break away and being stupid. "We got tuna. It's in the back. Lemme go find it," he said, and there was more and more and more AWKWARDNESS and back and forth, BUT.


I'll have you know.


At the end of all this strange social negotiation, he gave Alex a sweet sweet beggin' talkin' to, "Just ast' me! Just ast' anyone. We will get you what you need. We had a busy day," (Mardi gras? Football game? Something normal people do), "so we's usually restock the freezer, but we hazn't had a chance."

--a moment of silence--  Thank God he didn't look at me. I swear he knew. Alex was the one who needed the talkin' to anyway.

"Jus' ast me!," he said repeatedly to Alex, not me. I might've hidden behind Alex.... mb. This went on with some earnestness for quite a time.... like an eternity of three minutes in time. Subjectivity, man.

I get it. In his shoes, I'd want to take our money. He hit it spot on to increase future revenue.

Somewhere in this mess of an awkwardness, he'd brought out some frozen tuna steaks and restocked the freezer. Alex picked one; "No get another," because I thought there were two tuna days and no way did I want to go through this again. "Maybe I'll want one... or... maybe you'll have a tuna day again." He confirmed. I reiterated: Maybe I would want one, but a can of tuna with something pickled and some mustard and diced apples is actually more appetizing and cheaper.

Whew! *sigh* So jus' AST somebody, Alex! Geez, Louise. ... urmmh GEEZ ALEX. AST somebody before some guy in a rocker's break gets interrupted. Hello. He-llo! Geez.

I think we learned something this afternoon. Ahem? Yes.

I ended up just thawing one of the two very expensive (I-shall-not-mention-numbers!.... but it was like $20 for two cans' worth, if that.) tuna steaks. We thawed the bigger one. It happened to be two steaks. One was like an ounce.

This was then for me with some broccoli and jasmine rice. Oh... buddy. Jasmine rice.

Om. nom.

--and broccoli I've liked from an early age. There's a story there.

It's something to do with air conditioning and an early and high level of independence.

I'll let you imagine what some hot hungry unsupervised kid might do... some kid who likes to eat broccoli. ...I never even got caught. :) Or so I thought. ;)

Forever to be Awkward, It's my thing...


PS: Say whuh?

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