Saturday, February 8, 2014

OFFICIAL WIFE: My Mind on House Blessing

[I survived House Blessing 2014. Oz whined a lot, but otherwise the animals are fine, too. Until next year! Enjoy these thoughts from yesterday!]

It's T-24hrs until house blessin' time, and I'm running around like mad, laughing hysterically and shouting. These are the things I'm shouting:

"I can totally refinish these floors by tomorrow!"

"We need a rug. Stat!"

"Where are the scissors?" (Said, while holding the scissors)


"Dog hair-- thou art the enemy, and thou shalt be VANQUISHED!"

"I knew as  soon as I said, 'Well, there's not much to be done for the home office,' that it was a cop-out. So I took all of the junk in the home office and put it in the junk room, thereby halving the junk rooms of our house." (Alex then kisses me, and comments on my awesomeness. MATH. It works on houses and husbands.)

"I wubs meh kitties!"


--and there Kitty sits... judging my carbohydrate-induced happiness. I'm tellin' you kids not one bite. Yes, you can get hooked in one bite. Don't even try it!-- You'll be looking at a lifetime of bloat!!

"I am rationing Windex! Will the appropriate parties please present their punch cards and a photo ID?"

"Clean? You call this clean???? Yo momma is clean!" (Yo momma jokes. Another way to a man's heart. Girls, take note.)

0i0adl f[];]gfh\g2+98+
566a35sdfdsai3gfahjksajkfd0= (This is me cleaning the keyboard.)


 "Hiiiiiiiiiyah! Dirt. Will be. DEFEATED!"

There are several things that only happen in my life because of the house blessing. One, is I clean the windows in the French doors. Another is that I oil all the wood furniture and change the felt anti-scuff pads on the bottom. Another is I finish my ironing pile. Another is I get entirely through my mending pile. Another is I clean the air conditioner intake grate. Another is I wash the light globes.

So picture me, a week ago, sitting on the couch mending a pair of pants. As Alex comes through the den from the kitchen and into our bedroom, I, the victim, cheerily announce, "Look! It's the last of my mending pile!" Alex then emerges from the bedroom and throws two more items on the table in front of me saying, "Hey, if you're only going to do it once a year, I need to milk it for all it's worth!"


"Dust, you've got to land sometime, and when you do:

"Where did I put the felt anti-scuff pads?" (Said, while holding the felt anti-scuff pads)

"Where are the scissors?" (Said, while not holding the scissors)

This has been my theme song lately:

 No, I'm not a man nor do I wish to be one, but when you think about it neither was Mulan!

"Clear! No Go Zone!!"

Another thing that only happens before the house blessing is I... I'm saying this in confidence. Don't tell anyone; k? Well... Well, I dust the toilet scrubber holders. Is that weird? I think I have a disease. Stay away. It may be catching. I may have caught it from the toilet bowl scrubber holder.

When you have it, you can't eat carbs. Don't breathe my air. I want to save you. I want, for you, to be able to eat mashed potatoes. I like living vicariously. EAT. THE. CARBS.

"Pasta. Brittany. You have a mission."

"Don't put anything in there!" (of the trash can)

"You can't use that!" (of the toilet)

"Clear! No Go Zone!!"

"Omigosh! I have Windex refill liquid!"

"You have each been assigned a dust rag. You shall put it in your pocket and use it to attack all dust subsequently encountered."

"Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!"

Now we're all crashing on the couch. The dogs did so much work; of course.


Grateful Chick

PS: I made three herb butters-- home grown parsley (mince, mix with butter and a pinch of salt), cinnamon (mix butter and cinnamon), and honey orange (mix orange zest, honey, and butter). The last was by far the most well-received. I'm making a quarter cup for Alex right now. The cinnamon.. not so much. Parsley, not much above the cinnamon. I've made chive butter before, though, that was really good so the next competition will be honey orange vs chive.

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