OW VEGAN: Almond Mayo

Before you scroll down, I went a little overboard on the significant digits. If that's going to be an issue, turn back now...

I've already shared Hot Wing Almonds, and I'll tell you right now we prefer almond milk to soy milk. Almonds run around $11 for three pounds of whole, raw, shelled almonds at Sam's Club. You can also buy Silk brand almond milk three half gallon cartons at a time for $7.98 at Sam's Club. However, a cheaper milk alternative is WestSoy soy milk at Dollar Tree in a quart carton. Six soy milk cartons versus the almond milk box you save $1.98. Almond milk has marginally fewer calories, but there are wins and losses nutritionally. Comparing WestSoy Plain Lowfat Soy Milk to Silk Pure Almond Original: Calories 70/60, Fat2.5/2.5, Carb6/8, Pro5/1, Fiber0.5/1, Sodium95/150. I'm sure you will make your decision based on the flavor, price, and nutrition needs of your household, and I don't give a fig if you land in the opposite camp.

So we're kinda an almond household, which is good. Alex is not a big nut and bean guy. In fact, don't even mention beans to him. We have a deal that he should try each kind of bean once every ten years. I'm surprised I got that, and it took a lot of nagging. He says beans taste like dirt. When we were dating, he was known for making hummus with a really strong garlic flavor, but he wouldn't taste test it. I had to taste it. (I'd never had hummus before.) Then he'd gleefully point out, after being complimented on his dish, that he didn't even eat the thing he made! Alex's one bean is garbanzo beans. We'll get to that.

So, to recap: The dietary calendar, the dietary calendar exceptions, almost no beans, picky on nuts, he's lactose intolerant, he's not a tofu fan, he's a Damn Yankee (don't get me started on North/South food culture issues), (Well, I have to say... I haven't had mulligan in years, but that's all the pity I'm allowing!), doesn't like tomato sauce but loves tomatoes (oh, spaghetti... wherefore art thou?), and we're both overweight... Yeah, it's not him being Ortho that makes him hard to cook for, but being Ortho adds this sorta hopscotch guessing game element. I think I've almost learned it, but it took so much longer than it should have and was more confusing than it should have been. Perhaps, I shall write a blog. --or maybe not a WHOLE blog because that would be risky. I'll just stay right here beside my husband. ;)

Now, let's not make it sound all one-sided! Alex would be perfectly happy to slice up some potatoes for 'bake fries' and make himself a mixing bowl salad. Every. Single. Night. I'm the one that wants to try all sorts of different things.

I'm also the one that decides how much screen space each side gets...^_^

As in many cases, making it at home is so much cheaper than buying it. Veganaise runs around eight dollars a jar, and the ingredients for this total to just over $1.60-- or in the math world $1.600206633403361, but that's pretty close to $1.60.(I didn't calculate water and soap for washing the dishes, though, and you may have guessed that you are UNpaid in this equation.) Almond mayo can be used in vegan tuna fish salad  or for BLTs. Just use it with the understanding that it's PURE FAT.

• 1/2c. water (112g) $0 for my sanity
• 1/2c. almonds, whole, raw (72g) $0.589285714285714
• 1T dijon mustard $0.0157352941176471
• 1/2t salt $0.0104325
• 1T apple cider vinegar (15g) $0.095296875
• 1T lemon juice (30g) $0.0280875
• 1T honey (21g) $0.18125
• 1 1/2c. canola oil (360g) $0.68011875

Soak the almonds in the water for eight hours. Blend.

Serving Size: 1T (15g)                                     32 servings per recipe
105cal | 11fat | 1carb | 0.5protein | 0.3fiber | 37sodium

If you just feel like gettin' crazy with the cheese whiz, you can roll the vegan tuna fish salad in nori and serve a la sushi.

OFFICIAL WIFE: In Response to "The Hardest Fast"

My first, off-the-cuff, reaction was "I have a strategy that might work: Stay at home with your wife and andibals. As Official Wife, I promise to cook you tasty fast-safe foods."

If I linger on this common mood of Alex's, I want to say things like, "Ya big sissy." --but a wife, especially an Official Wife, should be loving and supportive of her husband. However, I'm not perfect-- oh, no not one of us is (name that verse!), and a husband provides a lifetime's worth of comedic material that becomes pretty irresistible when you don't leave the house much so here, for Alex's enjoyment, is *the world's smallest violin playing just for him*.

I have no idea if complaining about the fast is discouraged for Orthos, but I do so hate.. oh, lawdy, I just... don't say it... "There's nothing to eat..." Ugh. This is said with a look of hopelessness after a silent moment standing in front of the refrigerator with the door open. The church of Tina certainly discourages such comments. Wait, I have to have two folks to be a church? Dang. You can see I've given up on converting Alex. Any takers? The only requirement is that you have to be perfect-- oh, and not care that I'm not.

[Alex's edit: The Ortho church is in alignment with the to-be-formed Tina church on the complaining.]

This isn't a problem just for Orthos or even *gasp! There are others?* just for people who choose to follow a special diet, like diabetics or vegans, so I'll share what I've learned works-- so far.

I have developed pro-active strategies for decreasing the number of times, "There's nothing to eat," is said. The first was taught to me by Alex who learned from his mom. You have a calendar so you know when you won't be able to eat meat/dairy for a stretch. Eat everything up beforehand. You don't have to trash food. Food doesn't go bad. Food that you can't eat isn't there when you can't eat it. Simple.

The second is arranging the food in the fridge. If you're easily freaked out by order, stop reading here. *tilt head left*

THE FRIDGE

*stay tilted*

WHAT ALEX SEES

I used a label maker that Alex got me for Christmas to label the shelves. He promptly decided he wouldn't read them, and we are experiencing an on-going issue of having beer put on the "Eat Me First" shelf.

In the first picture, below the second shelf, we have the meat/cheese drawer. Having it in the drawer is a way to hide it. Also, we the-other-four-letter-F-word-ed at grocery shopping for this fast because we bought a quart of yogurt the preceding Saturday. Below the meat/cheese drawer, is the "Tina Food" shelf which is short so you can only see what's right up front. Spinach, which Alex doesn't really like, is blocking the yogurt and things I shall not mention. Anything he can't eat, I try to put on this shelf. You see that I lowered the eggs from their usual position. I noticed that Alex bought a pound [Alex's edit: 2lbs] of bacon off-budget this week and that went into the cheese/meat drawer to be eaten, I presume, for breakfast next Thursday. Nice try, Alex, but Official Wife knows her fridge.

So that's our hiding part of the strategy. The other half is making sure he sees food that he wants to eat. The "Eat Me First" shelf is about eye height for Alex, and I put leftovers and ripe produce there. Pictured are last week's spring mix, leftover rice/Boca Thai thing (That was DELICIOUS!) and a sauce Alex made to put on crackers which are then topped with a cucumber slice. (More to come on that appetizer...)

The second shelf  "As You Please:" We have mushrooms in the bag, tofu thawing (mostly for me-- just a moment ago, Alex commented, "Stewed tofu, the perfect snack-- No one. Ever. Said," as I was packing some tofu in my lunch.), one Light Country Crock is actually as it appears, but the one in the fore has homemade salsa (tortilla chips in the cabinet). I cram some staples he can't eat (powdered buttermilk)  and some staples he can (active dry yeast is in the sour cream container) in the back. Olives (which he detests) are on top of the yeast, and the yogurt container on the left is full of ketchup. Can you tell we buy a lot in bulk? Nothing tempting, and if this picture were taken from a foot plus higher up, I don't think you'd see the buttermilk, even. (i.e. I don't think he sees it.) Totally not utilized in this photo, but worth a mention, are clear containers. So he doesn't "see" Country Crock, he sees salsa, for example.

Another tactic I employ is to brown bag his lunches, which I love! My attention over the past several years= Diet/Weight Loss->Bento->Cute Food->Lunches. He loves it when I put notes in his lunches, and I promise you, he eats better with less fuss if I pack him a lunch. I enjoy it. I get to create more than I can eat all on my own. You can bet a lunch post will be coming up.

You, my informed reader, are sure to know the question that follows the statement, "There's nothing to eat," so I'll address it straight-a-way.

• Mustard Potatoes: Cube potatoes, toss in olive oil, roast, toss in Beaver's Sweet Hot Mustard
• Southern Vegetable Dinner: mashed potatoes + two/three of the following w/ cornbread/biscuits optional: boiled green beans, corn w/ Country Crock Light and salt pepper, English peas from a can (I do not usually find canned foods affordable. However, English peas aren't grown in these parts. They do grow in these parts-- in the Spring-- they just aren't grown, y'know... the English thing, I guess.), purple hull peas (which Alex doesn't eat), butter beans (which Alex doesn't eat), okra (which Alex doesn't eat) --Can I say Damn Yankee?
• Leftover Mashed Potatoes: You may need to add some liquid, but basically dump it in a small nonstick skillet and make 'em pancakes. Garnish with ketchup.
• Vegetable Dinner: Congratulations! You have leveled up. Your options now include: steamed broccoli, full length green beans sauteed with olive oil+onion+red pepper flake, frozen Brussels sprouts warmed through
• Steak/Bake Fries & Mixing Bowl Salad: Alex would eat this every meal during fasting times if I didn't intervene. I'm not sure if my intervention is positive, but I demand more challenging exercises than chopping potatoes and tomatoes in the kitchen.
• Roasted Broccoli: Alex isn't a big fan, but if you haven't had roasted broccoli, you should totally try it. As a side note, cauliflower can be roasted and made into "mashed potatoes" for fewer calories and a load less carbs.
• Tofu Fingers: Kinda on the level with fish sticks. Served with BBQ, honey mustard, and Asian Dressing.
• Roasted Vegetables: think carrots, parsnips (kinda expensive), brussels sprouts, potatoes, corn on the cob, butternut squash (Carrots are quite affordable. If you have NOT had roasted carrots, I simply must insist. Today.)
• Vegetable Kebab: mushrooms, bell pepper, onions --This is very low cal. Marinate and grill.

Cheers,

The lady that's part of the church, but not really-- and I'm quite comfy here

The hardest fast

The Dormition Fast, together with the Nativity or Advent Fast, are the hardest to observe for many Orthodox Christians.  This is all a matter of timing.  Truth be told, we all experience the Christmas season temptations of office parties, holiday gatherings, and caroling.

But in the summer, and particularly in Mississippi, we experience the temptations of barbecue, cookouts, and fishing trips.  Not to mention the temptations of beer, whisky, and fried green tomatoes.  It is to be devoutly hoped that we make it to Thursday.  God willing.

OFFICIAL WIFE: How Did I Not Mention Easter Bread?

I'm big on pictures. In fact, I have a $250 camera headin' my way that I hope to use on this, but I was about to add a link to the unfinished Easter basket to a previous post when I realized that I'd forgotten to mention Easter bread.

Every year, Alex's mom sends him what I interpret as, and that "interpret" word is key because we've never spoken of this, some kinda lemony pound cake made in a can. As in, a tomato sauce can or a coffee can. You can still see the rings on the cake. Every single year but this year, that cake has been in the Easter basket and blessed. It's sliced into rings, toasted, and buttered before eaten-- by Alex, at least.

I would love to know the back story on this cooking in a can thing. My dad, a Baptist preacher, has a story about three generations and a recipe for a roast where the instructions are always passed down to cut the end off. Granddaughter asks Grandma why. Her pan was too small. (He tells it better, but let me out him/them by saying there are entire books of  funny stories with points that are marketed to preachers. There's the biscuit/mine! story that I've heard many times, for example.) I wonder if this is a similar situation. It is definitely traditional, but that shape may not be traditional. The source that I found, as you can see, looks more like a nine inch round.

For anyone just tuning in, the heritage of this family is Russian. [I should add that his mother has been consulted, but we got an, 'It's always been done this way' kind of answer. Here's a better pic. It's tagged at right. You can see that the first step is to slice off the rounded end. Alex eats it as breakfast, not dessert.]

What is a spiritual father?

Orthodox Christians will often speak of their 'spiritual father.'  The concept of a spiritual father is a difficult one to explain outside of the Orthodox Christian context.  Basically, one's spiritual father is his confessor.  If you examine the writings of the desert fathers, the Optina fathers, and other monastics whose advice is sought, the letters they right are in response to requests that would or should normally occur in the course of the mystery of Confession.

Confession is ubiquitously misunderstood by the faithful and by those outside the fullness of the faith.  We in America are burdened by a severely Hollywood-inflected, legalistic view of confession.  How many of us have seen Hitchcock's classic film I Confess, starring Montgomery Clift as a conflicted Catholic priest who learns in the course of a confession that the penitent had committed a murder.  The confession becomes an overriding burden for the priest, who himself is charged with the very murder.

The point of that synopsis is that even without someone confessing to their spiritual father that they've committed a murder, the relationship between a spiritual father and his children is fraught with difficulty.  It is not a casual relationship, but one essential to spiritual growth.  Here is one priest's perspective on the difficult nature of spiritual fatherhood.

Elder Zosima from The Brothers Karamazov is probably the best known fictional spiritual father in literature. According to Dostoevsky, Elder Zosima's story is taken in part from the life of Elder Leonid of Optina Monastery, and his character is based in part on St. Tikhon of Zadonsk.  Throughout the novel, a subplot involves Elder Zosima, and the danger (which he recognizes) of a cult growing up around him.  The circumstances of his death and what happens immediately after provide a shocking counterpoint to the Elder's piety and saintliness throughout the novel.

I guess the point of this post is that growth in the fullness of the faith requires a healthy relationship with not only the Fathers of the Church, but a spiritual father.  Everyone could use some good advice.  The best place for an Orthodox Christian to get advice about the faith is from their spiritual father.

OFFICIAL WIFE: Ortho Culture Meets Tina

These should be inspiration for some Alex posts:
 

Easter baskets (Can be gorgeous. For adults. A tradition I like. I have an infographic on Facebook somewhere…Here it is on the original blog. I feel compelled to mention that Alex forgot to take ours this year.)

Handling icons (yikes! You can do some serious no-no’s without thinking about it.)

What icons go where (I don't know; ask Alex.)

How Orthos interact with icons (I may have to leave the room for that explanation...)

Blessing the house (Spring Cleaning & Inspection, plus annual dousing of the priest, clad entirely in black, with Ozzy hair, which is white. Oz was a little bit better behaved with First Official Ortho Priest Person, but with our current priest... It is a sight. Oh, and the coffee and food. Priests must gain ten pounds every Spring. They do multiple houses in a day, and every household in the parish must be blessed annually.)

Praying for dead people (For my own peace, I just keep reminding myself that God is outside time.)

Blessed water (designated holy water clover plant, cure all potion kept in the back of the liquor cabinet)

Blessing food, blessed food (See: Easter Basket)

Kissing a cross/Bible/icon held by a priest in a church in front of everyone

Wait?  No comment on that one?

Sorry, I had to leave the room. I'm back now!

Greek/Russian/American Orthodox Church (I've heard that it's called Greek Easter, because Jesus Christ died for Greek people's sins. All in good fun. I hope...)

Camp (In-laws, nothing mystical, it's actually-really-literally a camp with swings and stinky children and counselors, etc. They just all happen to be Orthos, and many of them are of Russian descent.)

Prayer rope (like a rosary, but there are knots instead of beads)

Tonsuring (Free haircut! I think my non-Ortho status is helping Alex avoid this.)

Choir (Jus' a wee bit different than what you might be thinking. The area is designated by a carpet, which, of course, I like because everyone is on the same level with no barriers. There is no instrumental music. It seems to matter how well you sing. The people in choir read music to sing. Of course, there is an opera singer in his choir so it might not be representative.)

Approaching a priest (Because of my voodoo-hoodoo reactions to getting blessed by or bowing to a person, I shake their hand, but that's not proper etiquette.)

Drinking in the church hall (Yes, that would be alcka-muh-hall. A priest insisted that I do multiple shots of vodka with him. He then insisted that I eat a lot. I don't think he realized that I grew up in a dry county, and I'd just turned twenty-one.)

Mass exit then circling the church (in the middle of the service, at night, three times)

Approved personnel only zone (where the baptistry or storage closet or office would be in a Baptist church, behind the pulpit)

No one brings a Bible to church (They do reference and even quote scripture, though. And the churchgoers are not only literate, but Alex's church seems to have a higher than average density of highly educated people.)  

Baptizing babies, godparents, babies named after saints (AKA Wedding: The Sequel)

Cassocks (black wrap-around "dresses" for priests all the time, for other officials sometimes worn. Yes, I know what you're thinking, and I asked. Not because I am socially awkward. Not because of my strong appreciation for and constant striving toward honesty and openness. No. I did it for you! I didn't want you to be embarrassed by just blurting it out in a room full of people. I asked for you. You're welcome! What're friends for!

Oh, the answer? They can be worn as clothes or as a jacket.
--and what else did I say? "Man, that looks hot." Priest-men fashion is black and goes from neck to wrist to ankle. We live in Mississippi. Oh. NEVERMIND.)

Old Calendar/New Calendar (And you thought it couldn't BE more complicated. That's so cute!)

Sunday Breakfast (--or not. Not even OJ or coffee or water. [My original words here, along with edits noting new information and the time of that new information are no longer available. I would like to note that I originally was under the impression that water was ok. It's not. Here's Alex's edit: "Total abstinence from midnight until communion"].)

Coffee Hour (You can eat now!-- but only in accordance with the magical special color-coded calendar. How do these people operate without a pocket edition???)

Parish Council Meetings (instead of membership meetings... but Alex served on the council, and I can assure you, it sounds just as awful as the membership meetings with which you may be more familiar. Credit where credit is due: Arguments along the lines of, 'Should we purchase a baptistry versus continuing to utilize Brother Ottis's pond,' happened in several churches growing up. Orthos have pretty much gotten that one taken care of.)

Cradle Orthodox vs. Converts (formerly hotly contested topic, I likened it to a class system, but read THIS. Those priests, they do come in handy. It's great that you always have someone to turn to that actually knows his stuff.)

Church leaders with formal education on religion, the church, and people (nuff said)

Hot Tea (Ok. That may be more Russian/Damn Yankee. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish Orthodox and Russian influences.)

"God Grant You Many Years" (a song, a greeting, a chant-- This phrase just keeps popping up. Put it on a t-shirt and call it the official Ortho slogan. I guess they want you to live a really really really long time.)

--and, if this is your first time here, let me reiterate:  

The Special Magical Color-Coded Calendar (a guide to cooking for Orthos)

Love,

Alex's Little Cromwell

Transfiguration Divine Liturgy

On August 6, we celebrated the Transfiguration of the Lord, when Jesus Christ was glorified on Mount Tabor and shown forth His Divine, uncreated Light for the witness of the Apostles St. Peter, St. James, and St. John, the sons of Zebedee.

The icon of the Holy Transfiguration of the Lord, with the Apostles St. Peter, St. James, and St. John at his feet, and Elijah and Moses at his sides.

This is the patronal feast of Christ the Saviour Orthodox Church in McComb, Mississippi.  The patronal feast is the feast of the saint for which your parish is named.  Normally on your patronal feast day there is a procession with the Holy Cross around the Church.  However, two-thirds of those attending, including Fr. Benedict, were sick with summer colds/sinus infections, so we did not attempt it.

The Transfiguration of the Lord occurred, according to the tradition of the Church, near the end of Christ's ministry, approximately 40 days before the Crucifixion of the Lord.  John Sanidopoulos explains on his excellent blog Mystagogy the reasons for the Church's modification of the calendar, and the purpose that this feast serves in the life of the Church, as well as the parallelism of the Church calendar structure.  40 days continues to have great significance as a time period for Christians.

It is customary on the Feast of the Transfiguration to bless the first fruits of the harvest.  In modern America this has ceased to have the great significance, when we can get fresh fruits on any day of the year with relatively little cost.  But traditionally grapes are blessed, because they are usually ripe at this time, and because of the importance of wine in the Judeo-Christian tradition.

The first fruits of the harvest, right at the Third Hour.

Alexis Baldwin, son of Shirlee Fager Baldwin, Esq. (close personal friend and colleague of the author), is a seminarian at St. Tikon's Orthodox Seminary, entering his final year.  He has been assigned to intern with Fr. Benedict this summer, and has been with us for the past three weeks.  He has three more weeks with us.  Here he is, reading the Epistle lesson.  Note the lovely black dress- quite slimming.

Fr. Benedict is wearing white, which is reserved for the feasts of the Lord in the Orthodox Church.  Normally, in non-fasting periods, our priests and the other clergy and altar servers wear gold; on Pascha (Easter), Christmas, the Circumcision of the Lord, and Theophany (Epiphany), our churches are decorated in white, which symbolizes the uncreated Light of God shining forth.

Fr. Benedict immediately before the reading of the Gospel.

On the Great Feasts of the Church, it is customary for the parishioners to be anointed with oil that has been blessed for this purpose.  Here at the dismissal, Fr. Benedict is anointing Alexis's youngest, while Subdeacon Jonah, Seamus, and Fr. Benedicts oldest boy Nicholas look on.

Immediately before the dismissal, Fr. Benedict blessed the first fruits of the harvest.

There's a lot more fruit on the table by the end of the Liturgy.

In short, even though we were terribly ill, it was a truly lovely feast, and a blessing to be able to celebrate this feast in peace and freedom.